Love, John

New Site

2009-11-02T13:03:00.001-08:00

I'm moving on up! Check out the new site HERE!

Dear, Stephanie Pratt...

2009-10-28T08:48:00.000-07:00

Dear, Stephanie Pratt

History shows us that not only were you involved with a nasty little habit of snorting meth off of dirty, public bathroom toilet seats, but even received a DUI as recently as las week. Alright, the the toilet seat is pure speculation on my part, but we all know about the meth! My question to you is where do you and Heidi get off accusing Heidi's sister Holly of having an alcohol problem? Because she partakes in the occasional drink and has a fun time whilst doing it...and does the robot? If I was the only thing close to a sane person amongst all of you mentally incapacitated, loose moraled floozies from The Hills then I'd be drinking too! Me and my friends were practically in our undersquares last weekend, doing the time warp in the aisles at a Rocky Horror Show performance. Does that make us alcoholics too? Holly should be the worried one since over the course of three years her sister went from being the cute girl next door to the Crypt Kepper with double D mammaries. Quite bold of you to compare Holly's fun night out with your torrid past of sucking dick for meth (again speculation, but can't you just picture it!). I ask you, She-Pratt, to kindly research what exactly an alcoholic is before you accuse people. Until then please feel free to kiss my well toned, undie clad ass!

Love, John

P.S. An empty void would be in my life without the show so keep up the good work!

Dear, Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar...

2009-10-27T21:22:00.001-07:00

Dear, Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar

Word has reached my gossip loving ears that you're currently expecting your 19th child. While the mere thought of having one child makes me quiver in 'piss my pants' fear, you squirt out bible thumping babies quicker than Lionsgate produces a Saw movie. My first question is to you, Michelle. Does your lady garden even resemble a vagina anymore, or is it more in line with the regurgitated corned beef and cabbage that's been vomited onto the streets of Downtown New Haven during the annual St. Patty's Day Parade? Like, seriously, 19 kids is something even the best of Kegel exercises can't cure. Giving birth to you must be like a porn star taking a shit...just slips right out. Now, Jim Bob, clearly you enjoy getting your nut off, but I think it's time to strongly consider getting neutered. How could you even still like having sex with her? Do you even feel it when you stick it in anymore? I mean, that's not just a hot dog down a hallway, it's a toothpick down a mine shaft. For your sake I'm hoping you get to pop it into the pooper from time to time so you can at least feel SOMETHING. Love the show, and give my best to the kids.

Love, John

P.S. your niece Amy is hot...and kinda slutty...